Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she looked like the before picture.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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