He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
