when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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