Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
