you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
