ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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