Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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