My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
