so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
