Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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