You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
