I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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