I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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