I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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