so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
