My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
