Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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