Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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