sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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