Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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