It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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