I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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