2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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