the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
