I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did you pee in the oven last night??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize