So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
