At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
