it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
