if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
