My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
