Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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