A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
