Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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