I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
