I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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