This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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