If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize