Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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