If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
