I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
