Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
