The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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