How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
