i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize