my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
