i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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