he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
