My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize