I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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