I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
