I bet he comes in French.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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