i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
