: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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