I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
