So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
