we have officially lost it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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