She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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