How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
