There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
