Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
