WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
