am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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