I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize