I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
