Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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