Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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