Only a mothe r could love this liver
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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