hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
