im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
