I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
