i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
