I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
