just come out here and I will go home with you...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
