If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
