just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
