dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
