remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
