I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
