I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
