I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize